A Deep Kind Of Love


 Have you ever experienced a love so overwhelming, so powerful and deep, that you know it is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before or will ever experience again? The kind of love that makes your heart burst and your soul overflow, where you feel like you’ve finally found that missing piece to your soul, to you. You’re sure there’s something wrong with you because that person is the only thing you can think of, the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing at night, along with every hour in between. Where it gets to a point that you’re sure you’re obsessed and in need of help. Well that’s how I feel about D. I feel that and so much more. I actually started going to counseling because I knew that what I was feeling and the way I was thinking about him was not healthy…. but the therapist told me that we can’t control our feelings, only how we react to them.  So everyday, I wake up, and I think about this man, not the one lying next to me, but one hundreds of miles away, I think about him and how he’s already at work and wonder if he’s having a good day, or if it’s his day off, I wonder if he’s sleeping in. On the mornings that he works, I set my alarm for 5 a.m. so I can get up and send him an email with a good morning image and some other quotes, etc. I write it the night before and get up at 5 and send it to him, then go back to bed .I would NEVER do that for someone, not before, not even for my husband when things were good between us. Things are just different with D, everything is… he makes me feel unlike anyone has ever made me feel before. He loves me for who I am, and no one, no man especially, has ever done that before…. sure, he’d like me to better myself, but he’s happy with me just the way I am if that’s the way I choose to be. He believes in me, he never puts me down but instead always builds me up. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy despite all my physical flaws. There are just so many things that are different with him. He knows me in a way that no one else ever has, he sees me differently too. He will literally text me or IM me sometimes when I’m sad and be like, “What’s wrong?”, and I’ll be totally blown away because I really am feeling bad and he’ll just somehow know…. and it happens to me with him sometimes too. I believe that we are connected on a deeper level than most. I don’t understand why, for what reason…. we’ll never be able to have one another…. we’re both married, both have families… I always ask myself, ‘how could two soulmates meet, but not be able to have one another?’, but I guess it happens. All I know is that everyday, my heart aches for a man I’ll never have, while I sit miserably with the one I do have. 


About lilylanders30

I'm a kind, loving and caring person for the most part, but if you cross me or screw me over, not so much. I'm a mom and a wife. I don't have much of a "life" outside of my family. I'm pretty straight forward and open/honest. I've been through a lot in my life and I don't have time for bs. I'm like a roller coaster of emotions all the time. I make a lot of my problems in life worse by my crazy actions, when I'm not even intending too. I love Jesus/God/Holy Spirit, and my faith has often been the only thing that's kept me going. I like a lot of different things. Reading, writing and music are 3 of the biggest ones. There's a lot I could write about me, but I'll stop at this, lol. :-)

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