The Knock – (This is my pending title, I’m still looking for title ideas!!)

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The Knock – (This is my pending title, I’m still looking for title ideas!!)

How does it feel with your head so low, but your mind has gone to the clouds?

The tracks on your arm that you hide with a shirt, the pipe burn that hurts each time you hit it. Your nose keeps bleeding, you’re sure that can’t be good. The pick marks on your face, wow they look bad. The burns on your couch from each time you take just one more. Your bottles run dry and you can’t see straight anymore, but it’s time to go to the store. These things are sucking you dry, taking your life, but you just can’t see, you don’t want to see, that would mean reality.

So you face these demons day after day, praying that if there’s a God won’t he just take it away. Tired of living in this shell they call a body, longing for something more, but not knowing how to get there, not wanting to try sometimes. There came a point where you just gave up, hope of a normal life escaped your thoughts and now you only dream of your next high. The next time you can make it go away, all this reality, all these thoughts, all this pain, you just want to be comfortably numb. The alternatives just seem too much for you and you’re figuring you’ve gone insane. Just when your low seems like it’s its lowest, when it seems there is no means to an end, you’re sure you’ve hit rock bottom, all the doors have closed…. and then you hear this knock, and it’s coming from you heart, and you meekly ask, “who’s there”, and the Lord answers back, “I am my child, I am”.


I am asking my readers and followers for their ideas on a title for this piece. If you think you’ve got something, please comment. What I have now is tentative. Thank you!!

 

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About lilylanders30

I'm a kind, loving and caring person for the most part, but if you cross me or screw me over, not so much. I'm a mom and a wife. I don't have much of a "life" outside of my family. I'm pretty straight forward and open/honest. I've been through a lot in my life and I don't have time for bs. I'm like a roller coaster of emotions all the time. I make a lot of my problems in life worse by my crazy actions, when I'm not even intending too. I love Jesus/God/Holy Spirit, and my faith has often been the only thing that's kept me going. I like a lot of different things. Reading, writing and music are 3 of the biggest ones. There's a lot I could write about me, but I'll stop at this, lol. :-)

4 responses »

    • Oh thank you flowmustgo, this however isn’t about me. I do relate to some of it though, as I am a recovering addict, but this was just something that came to me today, so I let it flow. Thank you though! 🙂

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  1. Depression is like having the flu. You want to get out of bed, you try to move but you can’t. You are completely drained of energy – but you have to get to the bathroom – so, with all your might you get yourself up and then once you are up all you want is to crawl back into bed. The next difficulty once you are up, is moving your feet, which is extremely difficult because you have a concrete block strapped to each foot.

    However, with the flu the world feels sorry for you, they offer to bring soup, watch your cat, and they don’t expect you to come to work. And why? Because everyone knows what it’s like to have the flu. It is sometimes a feeling like you’re dying – and you are just expected to rest.
    So many of us living with depression wish we had the luxury of having the world understand our misery. Then maybe they would be bringing us soup, watching our cat and not expecting us to come to work.

    I know what you are feeling. Hang in there 🙂 xx

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    • Thank you, I really like the way you put that, it makes a great deal of sense and it makes it easy to understand for those who may not otherwise “get it”. I’m doing my best to “hang in there” as you put it, 😉 and day by day I’m making it, somedays are better than others, but it’s like that for anyone, depression or not. I appreciate the comment and thank you for visiting. 🙂 Godspeed.

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