I find myself feeling very angry and upset tonight, which really isn’t anything new, but still…. tonight’s a little different. During my teenage years, like from age 12 on up to at least 21, I had a group of several female friends that I hung it with all or most of the time… there were brief periods when I strayed in my crazy ways and went to other nearby towns for months on end, but for the most part, these chica’s were it. For privacy sake we shall call them N, M1, M2, and S. There were more of course, but they were in and out, or off and on, whichever way you wanna say it. N, M1, M2, S and me though, we were always there. I considered these girls my best friends. I knew I was the outcast, I always had been an outcast, even in elementary school. I started have sex at age twelve and had a pretty rotten reputation by like eighth grade, so yeah, I guess it may have been hard for these girls to remain friends with me, because of the things people said about me, etc. Yet we still remained friends, although I knew that the only truly loyal friend out of the bunch was N. The rest talked about me behind my back even though I knew it, and they often did mean and ugly things to me, but I stayed around…. no one wants to be “friendless”, even if really they are. I always just wanted them to like me. Anyway, even as we got older and I moved away a few times, I still remained in contact and “friends” with these few ladies, particularly N. As the years have gone by and most of us have reached our thirties, with the exception of me, but I will this year, I have lost touch with these girls, all except N. So, facebook of course is wonderful for catching up with old pals. I’m “friends” with all the girls from the old group, but one, M2. At one time we had bee, and then one day I noticed we weren’t. I’ve sent her several friend requests and messages since then, and never got a reply, so tonight I decided to ask N to ask about it for me. Well…. let me tell you, I got a message from miss M2 that I did not expect. She proceeded to tell me how we were never really good friends that mutual friends was all that ever connected us and that’s just not a strong enough tie for her, and that she’s removed people who willingly allow negativity into their lives from hers and a bunch of other shit. She, who is no better than I am, because I’m sorry, no one is better than anyone else. She is also a recovering addict, she who is just not perfect, and she who knows damn well that we were friends. I don’t know what her problem is, and I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but damn it, it does. I just felt like, who the hell does she think she is? A simple I just don’t wanna talk to you would’ve sufficed. She even said that she didn’t want to have to type these hurtful words to me but since her not being my internet buddy seems so important, she’s been forced to. I don’t know…. between that and finding out that D will not be around at all this weekend because he and his wife are taking a little vacation…. plus fighting with Sean too…. and having headaches for a week straight…. I just don’t know how much more I can take. I know one thing’s for sure…. when it comes to D, I need to get some professional help, but that’s a whole other blog post.