A Little Overwhelmed

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As I sit here trying to work on the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) workbook that my counselor just gave me, I find myself overcome with some strong emotions and for no apparent reason that I can really see, at least, nothing that’s out of the ordinary. It’s starting to bother me, the way I’m feeling. This isn’t the first time this has happened of course, it happens quite often actually, but for some reason, today it’s bothering me a little more and I guess I felt compelled to write. I think I find something therapeutic in writing about my feelings, my life, privately or publicly, (although I must say 😉 I do like this publicly thing). 

I recently started seeing my therapist again and am scheduled to see my psychiatrist for the first time since October. My therapist is deeply concerned about what he called “a deep underlying depression” that I’ve been in for awhile. He actually expressed that normally he would suggest that I be hospitalized, but because of an incident that I had in October with the head doctor (the only doctor) of the psychiatric ward in our hospital, in which said head doc/psychiatrist made me leave, my therapist was not recommending that I go. Instead I’m going to see my psychiatrist soon and continuing my therapy sessions with him, as well as doing my best to work DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) alone, since there are no groups in our area or any nearby areas. It is possible to do DBT solo with the aid of a therapist/counselor, it’s just a little harder because you don’t really have anyone to help you be accountable, things like that. 

So today I’m sitting here, trying to work on this workbook, my husband is lying down, my kids have the day off of school for the second day in a row due to the weather/temperature and are being totally crazy and not listening, I’m really missing D and am wishing he would get a hold of me since it’s his day off, and I’m waiting for someone to stop by too (have I mentioned I have no patience?) Suddenly I start feeling really sad and irritable, where my attitude just becomes totally negative and I get that stinkin’ thinkin’ going on, where the negative thoughts just start rolling in, over and over again. I hate feeling like this, but I’m starting to recognize when it’s happening sooner and more often as time goes on. It’s doing something to stop it or make it less intense that I need to work on. It just really hit me today for some reason. I know I’ll be alright eventually, but for right now, it sucks. There’s just so much, so much in life that I should be doing, so much that’s messed up, so much that hurts, so much that seems unfair, but then I feel like I’m whining…. and maybe I am, but it’s how I feel. 

In a perfect world, lol, I would be sitting here working on something else productive because I’d be mental illness free, but hey, it is what it is, right? Now my job is to deal with it. Also in a perfect world my kids would be listening to me, lol again, I would be married to D so I wouldn’t have to be missing him, and he’d be up helping me with the kids. Ha ha ha…. now THAT’S a dream, lol. It’s okay though, because I imagine that if that’s the way it was supposed to be, it’d be that way, and it’s not, so it must not have been right for my life for one reason or another…. then again, who knows, I could have no idea what I’m talking about. 

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6 responses »

  1. Pingback: DBT911: A Free Dialectical Behavioral Therapy App & Diary Card

  2. I hesitate to comment on your vulnerable situation. I just did a bit of research on DBT, and find it to be very similar to the techniques I use to help control my anxiety/depression. Mastering the skills involved and recognizing the fact that no one but you truly understands what you are feeling at a given time will help you gain control of and steady these naturally occurring but “out of sync” feelings. My own situation gets “out of control” when I am forced to deal with negativity. I do not mean that a difference of opinion sets me off, but a difference of opinion based on ignorance and propagated as truth ignites my “fight or flight response” Therefore I am forced to make seemingly selfish choices in order to maintain my sovereignty and my sanity on a regular basis. I try to be pleasant but firm when I am forced out of a bad situation,ie not fighting an unwinnable argument but” to thine own self be true”. When you are more sure of,and realize your significance in your world, things will get better.If you find yourself with a therapist that you cannot be on the same page with, do not hesitate to try another. And I agree with you that writing not only helps get things off your chest, when you read it back you realize that at the very least you are literate! Think Happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s awesome you got the DBT therapy going! And I’m glad you put paragraphs in this post lol. Whenever I get upset and in a dark place like that, I try to shake the feeling. I try to go outside and look at the sky to just appreciate the beauty, but it sounds like the weather is crap there. Maybe some music that always lifts you up?

    Liked by 2 people

    • First I have to say, lol, funny you say that about music, because I’m listening to upbeat music right now. 🙂 Also, thank you about the paragraphs, lol, I had a reader comment about do I ever hit enter, hehe, oops, I just get going and it all comes out, but I decided to take their advice and try it, glad to know it worked. 😉 As far as my moods and stuff go, I think if my depression were treated, I’d be able to deal with such intense feelings or moods a little better, plus once I learn DBT more. When the weather is nice I do like to go outside as you said, it’s peaceful. Thank you for your comment and input! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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