Just Don’t Have It In Me Right Now


I do enjoy blogging, I am just very depressed right now and even blogging is not something I care to do really at the moment. My heart feels shattered into millions of pieces right now. Life is never going to be any different for me, I must accept my fate in life. I fuck everything good in my life up. I fuck up everything period. This probably sounds like a pity party, and maybe it is, I don’t even care really. I’m just so tired, I’m tired of fighting the sadness, the aching inside, the loneliness and so much more. My faith in God is the most shaken it’s ever been and I’m just not sure about anything anymore, why I’m even here. I appreciate all my followers and readers and I will write again, hopefully soon, just nothing with any real context right now. I just wanted to let everyone out there who follows or reads me to know. Thanks. I do apologize. Hopefully within the week I’ll have written something worth while.


About lilylanders30

I'm a kind, loving and caring person for the most part, but if you cross me or screw me over, not so much. I'm a mom and a wife. I don't have much of a "life" outside of my family. I'm pretty straight forward and open/honest. I've been through a lot in my life and I don't have time for bs. I'm like a roller coaster of emotions all the time. I make a lot of my problems in life worse by my crazy actions, when I'm not even intending too. I love Jesus/God/Holy Spirit, and my faith has often been the only thing that's kept me going. I like a lot of different things. Reading, writing and music are 3 of the biggest ones. There's a lot I could write about me, but I'll stop at this, lol. :-)

16 responses »

  1. Most people do not disclose their day-to-day struggles.  Circumstances may be different, but you’re not alone.  We all make mistakes, no ifs ands or buts. Take a breather if you have to but don’t give up on yourself, your family.  Be kind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s why I write this blog, is to disclose my day to day struggles. I realize it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. This is a release for me and also a hope that maybe I will help others know they’re not alone in their struggles, etc. Thank you for your kind words. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow…It has to be something in the water because I’m feeling the EXACT SAME WAY! I can’t shake the sadness, loneliness and weird thoughts of doubt and depression right now. It’s so strong that I can’t write. Today has been really bad for some reason…

    I really feel for you and I hope you get over this…just know that you’re not alone in what you’re feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry if I’m crossing the lines of an internet stranger, but don’t accept your life as it is! That attitude isn’t leading anywhere positive. You aren’t a fuck up and I believe in you. You offer so much to the world.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. So sorry you’re struggling right now. I try to tell myself that my blog is just for me. Sure, others read it, but it’s my place to process what’s going on in my life. It takes the pressure of, you know? Supporting you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lily, I can feel your pain from across the net. I have also felt like there was no possible way to escape the burrow I lived in, until I had an epiphany. You are doubting your Lord, and I have also, but here is a joke that made me think of things a little differently.[ A man who lived close by a river was getting concerned because the torrential rains were causing the river to rise. He immediately knelt down and prayed to the Lord to help him through this frightening phase. IN his mind the Lord assured the man that everything would be fine. With renewed spirit the man watched the river rise until he could no longer leave his porch. About then a huge four wheel drive truck pulled into his yard and offered the man a ride out . The man refused politely, explaining that his faith in the Lord was strong, and he would wait until the Lord came to save him. The water kept rising until the man had to go up his stairs and crawl out of a window and stand on the roof of his porch. A flat bottomed boat pulled up to the house and the operator of the boat encouraged him to come aboard, and get a ride to dry land. Again thee man pleasantly refused, insisting the Lord was going to protect him. One hour later the man standing on the peak of his roof and leaning against his chimney against the force of the stream, saw a helicopter approach with a lowered down line, but again he waved off the potential hope, saying”the Lord is protecting me. Who can know really how long he waited in line for his chance to speak to the Lord. His words resonated to the throne,”Lord I trusted you would save me from the flood, why did you fail me. The Lord responded, “I sent you a four wheel drive pickup, a flat bottomed boat and a helicopter. What else should I have done?” We are given the strength to battle through most of the trials that awe are put through. Be sure Lily that you look around for a truck or a boat or a helicopter before you let yourself drown. With concern but confidence in your strength,with the knowledge that you cannot help anyone until you help yourself, I hope to hear from you in the morning.

      Liked by 1 person

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