Easter…. As a believer in Christ, Easter means a lot to me. I do personally believe that Jesus was resurrected and overcame death for us. As I believe he died on the cross, three days prior, for our sins. So yes, this day should be a day of celebration in that manner, and I am inexplicably grateful for what this day represents. With this joy though, comes a mixed emotion of sadness that comes from personal or “earthly” life. I know the Lord does not want me to feel this way about the situation, but I do….
See, this month is the 11th year since my mother and best friend died, and I will probably blog about it/her a lot, I’ll just share that right now. Easter was the last holiday I spent with my mom before she passed away, which just so happened to be two days after Easter that year, 2004. She died on the 13th of April. Holidays were a really big thing for my mom growing up. It was for the most part just her and I, along with some aunts and uncles. Even though we never had much money, my mom always made it a point to put on good holidays, even if we went to someone else’s home, (which we usually did), she made holidays special at home too, for me, no matter how old I was. She always decorated for everything, from Christmas to St. Patrick’s Day, she put something up, even if just decals on the windows, and I always received something, whether it was just a card or a gift too, but she always did something. That’s something that will always be a memory for me.
So I guess with Easter, it’s like it’s a reminder of my Savior Jesus Christ and what he did for me, mixed with memories of my mom, not only on holidays but all the time, and yes, I get hit with that sadness, that empty spot inside of you that they used to fill, and even though I know she is in a far better place, it still hurts to have her gone, it hurts that I got eighteen years with her and that was it, although I know that some have lost their mothers or fathers way before that age even. I just wish she could’ve seen me have my boys, could’ve seen me get married, get my first home, things like that. And I know it’s that way with a lot of people. They wish. We all do. But I what I do have is a heart full of great memories of her and a love for her that’s out of this world. She was an awesome person and she’d want me to be happy, celebrating with my boys, her grandsons.
Maybe as the years go on Easter won’t be such a strong reminder of her and her death, but I have a feeling it will always mess with me emotionally, I’m just wired that way. I don’t dwell everyday on her being gone. In fact I get angry because I can’t instantly conjure up an image of her in my mind anymore, and I can’t remember the way her voice sounded, but there are certain things that really bring it all flooding back to me, the whole thing, and when it happens, I have to hold on tight and do my best to do what she’d want and be strong. Every one loses people they love in life, it’s a part of life, but it’s never easy I don’t think.
Happy Resurrection Day everyone….. May God Bless You and Yours