I realize that since I got out of the psychiatric hospital, I haven’t been writing as much as I was before I went in. I’m not sure what the exact reason for this is, it’s not because I don’t have the time, because I do, and it’s not for lack of ideas of things to write about. I just haven’t been doing it…. laziness perhaps? I don’t know.
I have been working on a couple of pieces about my mom, one of which I just published tonight, “The Day My Mom Died”. This year, April 13th marked the eleventh year since she passed and since I have this blog now, I decided I’d like to write a couple few posts about her between the 13th of this month and the 14th of May, which would be her 56th birthday had she lived. I guess to me dates are significant and when it comes to my mom, it’s like that month of time there in between dates is kind of like my, “my mom month”, where I seem to think of her more often and miss her a little more. So in memory of her, I decided to write about her.
I’m hoping to get some other blog posts out too, while I’m still working on the last piece on my mom. I have some things to share, some more exciting that others, maybe like what’s been going on between D and I the last couple months, but the last few weeks especially. God I love that man, I know it sounds terrible, but I love him far more than I ever have my husband. How does that happen, seriously?? When it comes to the way I believe in God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and the Bible, I am very conflicted by my feelings for D, because technically, I know that I’m wrong, that everything about what I feel for him that goes beyond just friendship, is wrong. I know that the sexual things are wrong. All this stuff in the eyes of the God that I believe in, is wrong, yet I keep doing it and my feelings for him just keep getting stronger. I love him so much I could never end what we have. Above all else he’s my best friend, and that’s the honest truth. So yeah, there’s all that to talk about too, lol.
The weather’s been getting nicer and since we have a HUGE yard to rake, front AND back, we’ve been out doing a lot of raking and yard work. We have a big old willow tree that sits next to the house and hangs over the driveway and oh my goodness does it ever shed some branches, sticks, and leaves. Not to mention all the other trees in the yard and their leaves. It’s madness I tell you!! lol Raking nightmares at night, lol. Things are actually going alright right now for once, it’s kind of weird. I mean, they’re not great, but it’s not bad either, not like it usually is, the husband and I fighting constantly, his yelling and name calling to me, all that. I’m hoping and praying that things stay this way…. but I don’t have my hopes up. So here’s to hoping I can start posting more regularly, we’ll see what happens!! Thanks for following and reading my blog, I truly appreciate your support, it always makes me feel giddy to see another like or follower or comment, etc., so thanks again guys! Til next time. ~ L.L.