Category Archives: Poem

Lost Innocence


A little girl with innocence still in her eyes, 

Shining through, bright blue.

One day someone notices that innocence is gone, 

Her eyes don’t shine as blue. 

They all want to know the truth, 

What happened to her innocent eyes. 

While their eyes were wide open, 

And they were all right there, 

The innocence in her eyes was being taken. 

He was just a “boy”, a young teen, the son of her mommy n daddy’s “friends”, 

She was supposed to be safe with him, she’d been with him alone before. 

Their parents all in the bedroom together, 

Taking in their chemicals, their white devil taking them to higher places. 

While in the living room, the little girl lay with the boy on the couch, 

With that scratchy green blanket over top of them. 

Her uncle, nodded out in his own chemical stupor, was supposed to be watching, 

“Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do” played in the background. 

That’s when he made his move, his hands, creeping up her little leg, fingers touching, 

Touching her and causing her great confusion, why was he doing this, we’re not supposed to touch. 

She looked around, her world spinning, hoping a door would open from the bedroom, 

Looking over at her uncle, waiting for him to come too…. but he didn’t. 

The boy touched, made her touch, she knew  but she didn’t, 

In her mind she knew she had to stop this, but she did not know how. 

There is still some innocence in her eyes, when she looks up at this “friend”, 

Asks him to please stop, and he doesn’t, 

This is when the innocence in her bright blue eyes fades out. 

In that instant she learns that there is no one, 

No one but her to save herself. 

Forever after, that little girl is changed, 

She now sees life in a way she shouldn’t, 

Sees the good and the evil for exactly what it is. 

So when people wonder twenty four years later, 

Why her eyes don’t shine as they once did, 

She just smiles and shrugs them off. 

But it goes back to one event, 

One moment in time, 

When something was stripped of her, her child like outlook, her innocence. 

That little girl is now a grown woman with a family of her own. That day however was a defining moment in my life. A lot of things changed after that, and it took some years for me to properly deal with the things that happened that night. I can honestly say I forgive the young man who did what he did, though it was not right at all, and there is no excuse for what he did. His parents were very bad drug addicts just as mine were and hadn’t been raised in the best of circumstances. Like I said, this did not give him the right to do what he did by any means, I’m just saying I understand his background as I came from the same, and I was able to forgive him. Though he took something from me that day, I have learned that God has filled that space. Forgiving him was not easy, but he has a much bigger judge that he must worry about someday, so for now, I try not to judge anyone. I’m sorry if this triggers anything for anyone or upsets anyone, but this IS a blog about my life, in my words, and this is a part of my life. 

Empty Yet Full


An empty shell, vacant of a woman who’d once been, 

Soul lost, mindless…. Trying to stop the pain. 

She’s stopped caring about the important things, 

Her family, herself, her human condition. 

She turns everything good in her life to shit, 

Sabotaging all her relationships, familial, platonic, and romantic. 

Living in a viscous cycle that always leaves her down and depressed, 

It always comes back, the demon always welcomes himself back to her. 

So lonely, she is so terribly, achingly lonely. 

Tears don’t often come anymore, she feels as though she’s all cried out most days, 

Then there are days when the tears just flow and the agony falls down her face.

This indescribable pain inside her  heart, she just doesn’t understand, 

What must she do to fix it? Hadn’t she been praying for so long now? 

She doesn’t even try anymore, she’s giving up, slowly but surely, starting to scare herself, 

Because this time it’s real, she knows that if she lets go, it’s really gonna be it this time. 

A bleeding heart, wounded soul, broken emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted, physically disabled, 

And people say she’s just having a pity party for herself, well maybe part of it is that she pity’s herself, but she knows others have it worse out there, she’s looking at just her life, being the ever so selfish woman that she is. 

A woman who’s heart aches and bleeds over the love that she will never receiver from a man. 

Most of all, she is just tired, so incredibly tired, and all she really wants is to just curl up and go to sleep and get forever lost in her dream world. 

She’s so empty, yet so full of all these feelings and emotions at the same time….. She’s a mess. 

The Knock – (This is my pending title, I’m still looking for title ideas!!)

The Knock – (This is my pending title, I’m still looking for title ideas!!)

How does it feel with your head so low, but your mind has gone to the clouds?

The tracks on your arm that you hide with a shirt, the pipe burn that hurts each time you hit it. Your nose keeps bleeding, you’re sure that can’t be good. The pick marks on your face, wow they look bad. The burns on your couch from each time you take just one more. Your bottles run dry and you can’t see straight anymore, but it’s time to go to the store. These things are sucking you dry, taking your life, but you just can’t see, you don’t want to see, that would mean reality.

So you face these demons day after day, praying that if there’s a God won’t he just take it away. Tired of living in this shell they call a body, longing for something more, but not knowing how to get there, not wanting to try sometimes. There came a point where you just gave up, hope of a normal life escaped your thoughts and now you only dream of your next high. The next time you can make it go away, all this reality, all these thoughts, all this pain, you just want to be comfortably numb. The alternatives just seem too much for you and you’re figuring you’ve gone insane. Just when your low seems like it’s its lowest, when it seems there is no means to an end, you’re sure you’ve hit rock bottom, all the doors have closed…. and then you hear this knock, and it’s coming from you heart, and you meekly ask, “who’s there”, and the Lord answers back, “I am my child, I am”.

I am asking my readers and followers for their ideas on a title for this piece. If you think you’ve got something, please comment. What I have now is tentative. Thank you!!