Tag Archives: Blogging

Weeding It All Out With A Side Of Sauce

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It has occurred to me that I am now following over one hundred blogs, and I started thinking to myself, exactly how many of those hundred plus blogs do I actually read and on a regular basis…. the truth is, sadly, not many, I just don’t have time to read them all…. I have kids and a family and my own blog to try and keep up with as best I can. I wish that I could read a post from every blog I follow, every day, but I’m not sure that’s possible, lol. So anyway, I decided that with Spring here and all, I’d start weeding out those blogs that I don’t read, that don’t appeal to me, etc. I’ve decided to go through all the blogs that I follow and read their about page first, then read a post or two by them, if I like it, I’ll keep them on my “blogs I follow” list, if not, I’ll be taking them off.      

This is not meant to offend anyone, whatsoever, so I truly hope no one will have any harsh feelings, it’s just that I feel if I’m going to have an enjoyable experience on here, not only writing, but reading too, I might as well be reading about things that I’m interested in or can relate to, or stuff I just like. I’m sure everyone wants their wordpress to be tailor fitted to them. Anyway, I’m not going to defend myself anyway, but I guess that’s just how I am, lol. 

I am delving into my blogging world right now to try and keep my mind off of the real world that is going on around me, because I don’t want to deal with the pain and the truth of what is really happening right now. I feel like I’m losing the other half to me, as though I’ve been cut in two. The sadness and confusion and anger and not understanding are so great it’s unbearable. So I have to put my mind into something, even if it’s blogging. At least at helps me to not thing about all the hurt for the time being, for the moments that I’m writing. All I want right now is for everything in my life to go back to the way it was a week ago, back to before things changed in his mind. The hardest part of this all is the not responding to me no matter how often I text or email him or I’ve even went as far as to call him a few times and yes I know I sound obsessed about it and I guess maybe I am, but I don’t understand why he’d just quit talking to me with no nothing. Especially after the way the last month or two has been, we’ve been a lot closer. Now all of a sudden, nothing. I realize he could have a totally legit reason, and I honest to God pray that he does, and that it’s not, his feelings about me have changed, we can’t do this anymore, what we’ve been doing is wrong, I love my wife and want to fix things with her and can’t do that with our relationship too, etc. etc., Idk, stuff like that. And how terrible do I sound because really those are all the right things he should say… but I don’t want him too. I want him to say that he wants to keep what we’ve had the last year and a half, that he does love me, and that he meant it when he said I was a part of him now, and the other things he’s said. At least one of those things even. 

So now for the next several days maybe, I will be going through all the blogs I follow and doing what I said above, weeding through them. It’s not a popularity contest, lol, who I am, just some random blogger. If you still choose to follow my blog even though I don’t follow yours, I truly appreciate that and it means a lot. I will also be doing my best to get more posts in as I’m doing all this. Thank you to all my supporters, followers, and especially readers, you rock!! 🙂 

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My Writing/Blogging

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I realize that since I got out of the psychiatric hospital, I haven’t been writing as much as I was before I went in. I’m not sure what the exact reason for this is, it’s not because I don’t have the time, because I do, and it’s not for lack of ideas of things to write about. I just haven’t been doing it…. laziness perhaps? I don’t know.  

I have been working on a couple of pieces about my mom, one of which I just published tonight, “The Day My Mom Died”. This year, April 13th marked the eleventh year since she passed and since I have this blog now, I decided I’d like to write a couple few posts about her between the 13th of this month and the 14th of May, which would be her 56th birthday had she lived. I guess to me dates are significant and when it comes to my mom, it’s like that month of time there in between dates is kind of like my, “my mom month”, where I seem to think of her more often and miss her a little more. So in memory of her, I decided to write about her. 

I’m hoping to get some other blog posts out too, while I’m still working on the last piece on my mom. I have some things to share, some more exciting that others, maybe like what’s been going on between D and I the last couple months, but the last few weeks especially. God I love that man, I know it sounds terrible, but I love him far more than I ever have my husband. How does that happen, seriously?? When it comes to the way I believe in God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and the Bible, I am very conflicted by my feelings for D, because technically, I know that I’m wrong, that everything about what I feel for him that goes beyond just friendship, is wrong. I know that the sexual things are wrong. All this stuff in the eyes of the God that I believe in, is wrong, yet I keep doing it and my feelings for him just keep getting stronger. I love him so much I could never end what we have. Above all else he’s my best friend, and that’s the honest truth. So yeah, there’s all that to talk about too, lol.

The weather’s been getting nicer and since we have a HUGE yard to rake, front AND back, we’ve been out doing a lot of raking and yard work. We have a big old willow tree that sits next to the house and hangs over the driveway and oh my goodness does it ever shed some branches, sticks, and leaves. Not to mention all the other trees in the yard and their leaves. It’s madness I tell you!! lol Raking nightmares at night, lol. Things are actually going alright right now for once, it’s kind of weird. I mean, they’re not great, but it’s not bad either, not like it usually is, the husband and I fighting constantly, his yelling and name calling to me, all that. I’m hoping and praying that things stay this way…. but I don’t have my hopes up. So here’s to hoping I can start posting more regularly, we’ll see what happens!! Thanks for following and reading my blog, I truly appreciate your support, it always makes me feel giddy to see another like or follower or comment, etc., so thanks again guys! Til next time. ~ L.L.  

Slowly but surely….

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I really want to start writing again, but I just can’t seem to get myself back into the swing of things. I posted something last night for the first time in a couple of weeks I think it had been, and it felt good to do it, to write something and get it out there. I have so many things I want to write about, that I’m just not sure where to start or with what…. I don’t wanna be all over the place, yet I’d like to get it all out too. I’m hoping it just sort of comes to me, post by post, as I slowly but surely get back on the blogging horse so to speak. 

Honestly I don’t feel much better than I did before I went to the psychiatric unit, but I don’t feel exactly the same either. I don’t know, it’s hard to discern what exactly is going on in me. I will try to write though, as often as I can, while carrying on with my life. Figuring it out one day at a time. Thank you to those of you who are still following me. I apologize for being gone for so long. I hope to be back regularly soon. 

Just Don’t Have It In Me Right Now

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I do enjoy blogging, I am just very depressed right now and even blogging is not something I care to do really at the moment. My heart feels shattered into millions of pieces right now. Life is never going to be any different for me, I must accept my fate in life. I fuck everything good in my life up. I fuck up everything period. This probably sounds like a pity party, and maybe it is, I don’t even care really. I’m just so tired, I’m tired of fighting the sadness, the aching inside, the loneliness and so much more. My faith in God is the most shaken it’s ever been and I’m just not sure about anything anymore, why I’m even here. I appreciate all my followers and readers and I will write again, hopefully soon, just nothing with any real context right now. I just wanted to let everyone out there who follows or reads me to know. Thanks. I do apologize. Hopefully within the week I’ll have written something worth while.

Wow!! Thanks Again!!

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Just a short message to say thank you to my followers and readers!!!! I now have reached 43 wordpress followers and even though I’m not quite sure I get it, lol,  I have 52 email followers!!!! I’m stoked guys, really. I appreciate it so much! Even if you only come and read one article, hit the follow button and never read again, I still appreciate the fact that you came and read that one article and chose to follow me, it makes me want to write even more. As I’ve said before, I’m not here for a popularity contest, but it sure is nice to know there are people out there reading your stuff sometimes. So again, thank you so so much, I love the support! Godspeed ~ L.L. 

Thank You

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I’ve been writing this blog since December. I started this blog not because I wanted popularity or hundreds of followers, but because I wanted a place to share the things in my life that I can’t share with those I “know”. There’s something therapeutic in being able to say what you want to anonymously to everyone and anyone who reads it. I’m sure some people will judge me, and that’s okay, I knew that when I started. I’ve enjoyed writing this so far and I enjoy and appreciate the people who visit my page, read my blog posts, people who like my blog posts, those who make comments, everybody…. I appreciate it all and I want to give a big thank you to all my readers, my followers, my visitors, thanks so much! 🙂 

A Little Unsure

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Lately I’ve been finding that I want to write, honestly, I do…. but one of two things keeps happening…. Either a) I’m so tired by the time that I actually get time to write, that it’s all I can do to hold my eyes open, let alone write. (Although that does make for an interesting idea, lol, sit here at the keyboard while I nod in and out, see what keys I push and go with it, lol.) or b) I want to write, but I seem to be having a hard time picking out one particular topic, idea, story, post, etc., I’m sure you get the picture. See, I’m bad for rambling and topic hopping, and I’d like to try to avoid that with this. I was thinking that maybe if I just posted multiple blog posts in twenty – four hour period, (without being to excessive and going overboard of course), that maybe that would solve this issue. Then there’s still choosing what to write about, even if I’m breaking it up into a few different pieces. I get a really good idea a lot of times and if I don’t write it down, I forget it most times. I’ve also been struggling with certain types of content that I’d like to write about, but am still not sure where I’m at on that. I think in the end I’ll choose to go with what it is that I want to write, because this blog is after all, entitled In My Words…. My life in my words. So if one blog post is about crafts with the kids and the next one is a hot and heavy R – rated piece, I guess don’t be surprised, lol. No matter what, my goal is to just keep writing, without going too long in between posts. So from now on, my plan is to write in a more organized format I guess you’d say…. trying to stick to one or two specific topics or ideas with each blog post…. even if that means multiple posts in a twenty – four hour period, like I said. We shall see how this works!! Above all, I’m not just doing this for myself, so that I don’t feel like I’m so jumbled together in my posts on here, but so that my readers can read what I have to say without trying to follow five topics at once, while hopping off down bunny trail one and two, lol. I want it to work for both myself and my readers. 

Adult Content – Should I or Shouldn’t I

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Ahhh…. Adult Content…. now there’s a good old fashioned controversial topic. Which is why I think I’m having this little debate with myself the last few days, as to whether or not I should include my “adult content” in my blog posts, which to me are more than just posts, they are a story, my story, and that “adult content” is a very big part of my story…. Now don’t get my wrong, I didn’t start this blog with the intention of turning it into a pornographic blog, but it doesn’t mean that just because that’s not my main topic or focus in this blog that it’s not or can’t be a part of it…. posts with pornographic or sexual nature, explicit and detailed, etc. In fact, a good majority of my posts won’t/would not be of that nature…. but the select ones that are, I don’t want them to cause a reader to pass judgement on my WHOLE blog just from reading one post that they didn’t like or found inappropriate. At the same time, I don’t want to hold back on the stories of my life or the writer that’s in me,  for fear of offending others with accounts of my life, sexual or non. I’ve thought of maybe trying to keep it to a soft core porn type level if I do decide to include posts with adult content in them, but that writer in me gets carried away and I can’t help but want to write every last detail. I started this blog to talk about my life…. this is part of my life. In the end I will probably end up posting blog posts with adult content in them, but as for now I’m undecided. I welcome comments with what you think!!! Please do! Well, I guess we’ll see!!! Til next time!